Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
