you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
