so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
