So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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