How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
