Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
