what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They took my balls.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
