remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
