So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize