haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
