i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
