Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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