fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
