It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize