I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
