no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
