why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
