you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
