You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
