AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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