My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
