went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
