is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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