you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
