God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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