She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
