Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
