I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
