im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
