So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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