Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
