I can tuck mytits in my pants
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
