You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
