I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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