I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I smell like Dick and happiness
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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