so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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