Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
