In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
