My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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