She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
