I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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