dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
