i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
