I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
