Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize