you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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