After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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