I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
