What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
