dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
