My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
