We won't sleep together?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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