WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
