if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
