I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
