From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
