Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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