I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
