just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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