Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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