its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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