So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
