I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
