the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
