that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
