i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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