lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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