He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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