Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
