For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
