I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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