dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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